Puns


For coming to this page, you will now be punnished.

Don't worry, these are the puns I've said in various places that I remembered to actually write down.

Paragraph's for fun,
but it's indeed not a pun.
It's just a haiku.

Be careful scrolling, as someone might make pun of you for it!


[ New puns are added at the bottom of the list. None of them are timestamped. ]

After going to a doctor for shoulder pain, the doctor kept on insisting the pain is because I dislocated it. I said "How can that be? I know I can locate my shoulder just fine. It's right here-ow."

Telling Italian knowers about Richard Stallman's suggestions for using genderless pronouns didn't work out so well, after the meaning for "perse" got lost. Latin speakers found the word by itself to not be as confusing.

There is a posted notice that I read earlier today that said "No puns allowed". It didn't say anything about joking, satirical novel and short story writing, or thinking of silly sketches yet, so it must be a sign of the times.

I was at a local liquor store that is strict about ID checking, and the cashier asked me "can I see your card?" I responded: "No thanks, I'll be paying with cash."

It's dangerous to consume digital content, especially if you byte off more than you can chew.

Buying a portable Bluetooth speaker and setting it to "pair" mode in a city center makes it a public speaker.

The web just seemed less interconnected after the start of the Hypotext Markup Language.

Using beats by Landfill for profit without paying makes you guilty of a Sybyrcrime.

I don't know of any cool lighting designs. The bulbs keep getting warm while in use.

When Ocey was finished speaking, someone then said "I agree with Ocelot." I asked "as opposed to only a little?"

Coming up with a pun, with no success, till your head hurts feels like a form of punnishment I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemies.

Few people at the University of Akron know whether "ROOTONES" is the name of an A Capella group or a GNU/Linux sysadmins' club.

Some privacy activists have taken to unplugging any screens from computers before using them to avoid monitoring.

The puns on this page used to be wrapped in <ul></ul> tags, but when I switched to paragraphs so the document would appear nicer on more browsers, they all got delisted.

Printing the plans.odt file and wrapping the papers in a sheet of aluminum was not a good idea, since I ended up just foiling my plans.

Do you climb out of the pit, or wait here for some software to appear? There may be some perls for those who wait to c what happens, lest some rusty and/or cloudy objects go down and cut you instead.

After instructing a client to connect per computer to the Eduroam Wi-Fi network, perse asked "but... shouldn't it be named for Akron?"

When booting Windows 11 on my computer with two hard drives, a CD drive, and a diskette drive, it seemed that the OOBE wanted me to remove most of them and use one drive.

It's easier to have my brother answer all addition problems I get, since the instructions always say to add 'em.

What is the most common injury that occurs at undergraduate commencement ceremonies?
First degree burns.

When buying a laptop, I had a choice of having one that was either very new or very GNU.
(I went with the latter.)

To go along better with the "Latitude" laptop line, Dell should rebrand their business desktops to "Longitude".

Gravity remains a downer for me.

What kind of printer gets expensive fast?
The paper use ones.

Why did perse always send per mail during the drive home after work?
It was post-office time.

A co-worker came in to work with an illness. I said, "You can't come in sick! Our co-workers and customers might get a staff infection!"


Anton McClure / anton@presumed.net
Last modified: Mon Feb 19 00:49:34 EST 2024